Entertaining Strangers

Reflections on Hospitality

If you go to Paris and walk around the left bank, you will discover an old somewhat dilapidated book store entitled “Shakespeare and Company.” By the way, they have a similar book store with the same name on Telegraph Avenue in Berkeley, California. The one in Paris was featured in Woody Allen’s latest movie, “Midnight in Paris.” What makes this book shop important is that it’s owner, George Whitman recently died at the age of 98. His store and his apartment above the store was a magnet for writers, poets and tourists who came to see it, perhaps before or after they visited the Cathedral of Notre Dame which it overlooks on the Seine River. If you ever walk in it, it is a bit of a mess with books stacked everywhere and narrow aisles filled with more books.

What I didn’t know is that Mr. Whitman for decades provided food and makeshift beds for young, aspiring novelists or writers. He would always let them spend a night, a week or even months among the crowded alcoves of this rather claustrophobic place that sometimes smelled of old paper. He had a wishing well at the center of the store with a sign that said: “Give what you can and take what you need.” I found this interesting because it’s not often that you find a person that can open his life, his store and even his wallet to help people. But he did reach out to many and his visitors were like a list of who’s who of the literature world. People like Henry Miller, Samuel Beckett, James Baldwin, William Burroughs, Allen Ginsberg and Lawrence Ferlingetti were often seen in his book store. Actually it was estimated that he lodged some 40,000 people over the span of time that he was the owner and proprietor of this store.

The more I thought about this, the more I was amazed because it is not often that you find people that are so hospitable in our very hostile world. Most of the time we read about hostility, not hospitality. In fact, we live in a world of terrorists, angry protestors and brutality. Nations do inflammatory things to each other, we have seen dictators fall to angry mobs, we witness enormous cruelty every day in our newspapers when we read about the epidemics of bullying and domestic violence. It is enough to make you very cynical and even fearful as more and more Americans find themselves vulnerable to angry acts which may include random killings, kidnapping and other violent crimes that make us all possible victims.

It is interesting that when you read the New Testament, Jesus’ ministry was really about hospitality. Chapter after chapter he is dining with sinners and others. Time after time he breaks bread with those who are despised by society, and are on the edge of life with no one to care for them. It is Jesus who is always inviting people into a better life of community and of relationships. It is Jesus who encourages his disciples to embrace others, not to blame them or point your finger at them.

There is a passage in the bible from the Book of Hebrews that says: “Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: For thereby some have entertained angels unawares.”

When I think back in my life, I have been enriched by those who have been welcoming and generous to me. When you are involved in various situations and you feel on the outside, you really can be encouraged by people who go out of their way to welcome you into their lives. Hospitality has a lot to do with moving outside of your comfort zone and reaching out to others. You may never know what a smile can do when it’s coupled with the words “Good Morning” or “Would you be available to come to our house for dinner this week.” I can always remember taking my children to school on the first day, they were always a bit afraid walking into a new classroom with a new teacher. A welcoming smile, a kind word and a friendly gesture can make a big difference. When you look at Christianity, it is really the story of God’s hospitality to the world. If you interpreted our faith through the eyes of Martin Luther, you see in another way God’s graciousness that is transforming and even redemptive. For us to be understood as Christians, we have to hear the words: “See how they love one another.” These are the words Tertullian noted (Apology [39.7]) in the Third Century, as spoken by some of the non-Christians of the time regarding Christian communities. The “love” they are referring to is the way in which the early Christian churches cared for each other, especially the poor.

Christian community is great, but it’s even greater to welcome those on the outside who we might not know. People come to the church as visitors. It takes some energy and even courage to walk through those strange new doors into a congregation where you don’t know anyone there. People have told me over and over again of how they were won over into our community by a person going out of their way to be welcoming. Perhaps they were entertaining angels unaware.

--MEH

Listen Mothers !!!

Advice to anyone who wants to be a good mother

Initially I was not a fan of Leonardo DiCaprio. I have never seen the classic movie “Titanic” in its entirety for many reasons, one of which is I know how it ends. However, I’ve have seen parts of the movie as I use my remote to channel surf. The scenery of the ship and the elegance of a bygone era were wonderfully recreated by director James Cameron. However, I was not sold on Leonardo DiCaprio. Sure he was young and some would say also handsome, but you have to have talent. Let me stop and just say that I was wrong – big time! He has developed into an enormous talent and great actor. I’ve seen him in “Catch me if you can”, “The Aviator”, “Blood Diamonds”, “The Departed” and the list goes on and on. He is now in a movie entitled, “J. Edgar” - a movie about J. Edgar Hoover, the once enormously powerful head of the FBI.

The interesting thing that I discovered as I was reading about him and the movie, “J. Edgar,” was that he had a very powerful mother as did J. Edgar Hoover. However, he characterized the difference between their two mothers this way:

The difference was that Hoover’s mother told him what to do and my

mother listened to me,” he said. “My mother was incredibly supportive.

She wasn’t a stage mom and really didn’t care either way if I was an actor.

She listened to this arrogant little kid saying that he wanted to be an actor

and didn’t laugh in my face.

As I read this, I thought of all of the mothers in the world who have taken their sons and daughters lives seriously and listened to them. There is no greater feeling than being heard and understood. It is my feeling that genuine love is listening to someone – paying attention. When you are listening, you are loving and when you are not listening, you are too caught up in your own life and what is happening to you. Listening to your children is not about you, it’s about supporting them in their goals and in their dreams.

“Those who have ears, let them hear!”

"It wasn't breakfast at Tiffany's but ..."

Reflections on Love and Marriage

Being a pastor for so many years, I’ve had the opportunity to marry many couples. It is actually something that I enjoy but it does give you pause to realize that when you enter into marriage, most people have no idea what they are promising. None of us have any idea about what the future will bring as we promise ourselves away to another person.

This weekend will be the last of four weddings I’ve officiated at in the last month. You do more than officiate; you meet with them several times in what I call “enrichment” not therapy. There is the rehearsal along with the wedding itself. Our weekends have been tied up totally this past month.

Recently I did a wedding at The Plaza Hotel in New York City in which we stayed overnight at The New York Athletic Club with a perfect view of Central Park. We woke up to a great day but wanted to find a place where we could have a reasonable breakfast. The Athletic Club offered a $35.00 per person brunch that we thought was more than we needed after a huge wedding the night before. We walked down 59th to Sarah Beth’s – an upscale eatery and found that they had a waiting line of at least a half of an hour for breakfast and that too would have been $35-40. The same story continued as we went to the Hyatt and then mysteriously around the corner on 6th Avenue, there was this dive called “Angela’s Deli” We walked in and were hearing orders being yelled out left and right behind the counter. I saw an empty table and told Kathy to quickly reserve it as I ordered us two omelets, coffee and a bagel, all for under $20.00. As I sat down at the table, to my left was a guy playing with his I Phone with a cigar in his mouth. Down at the other side, were a couple of runners having coffee and then sitting down next to us was an older couple. As I was eating my omelet, this talkative Italian couple asked me what I was doing here. I said that we went to a wedding in Manhattan and he said we are here today because we are married 60 years. I said 60 years, he said yeah, we thought we’d come in today and celebrate it. I said I hope you find a better place than this. I took a look at them and they didn’t look young, but they did look great. I guess marriage agreed with them and they looked like they had lots of energy. They told us that they were from Queens and took the train in for a day in Manhattan. They were so cheerful and happy that they lifted me out of my morning fog and brought a smile to my face.

The couple next to them overheard our conversation and said we’ve been married 15 years – there were smiles all around. Manhattan is a crazy place filled with lots of young, unmarried men and women and I’m sure that the statistics hold true here that more than half of marriages, end in divorce.

I still maintain that when you get married, you need a lot of things, which include patience, understanding, forgiveness, lots of love and a seatbelt because the ride may not always be smooth.

I had finished a counseling session with another young couple just before this wedding. As I always do, I asked them to write a love letter to each other and read it in my office in front of me. They did so but what I noticed was how they ended their letters. One said to the other, remember, “I love you more,” the other responded in his letter, “I love you most.” Well, I guess you can say that it sounds a little corny and that this old minister sometimes cries at weddings, but when it comes to relationships, it’s never 50%; it’s always 100%.

I wasn’t sure as I looked around this place – there was a picture of BB King, some advertisements for Broadway and a beat up menu on the wall but as I finished my coffee, I realized that I might just have had the best omelet of my life.

“Otherwise”

Reflections on gratefulness

I came across a poem by Jane Kenyon that caused me to pause and think. In our busy, rushed and hectic world, there is never enough time to think and reflect or even meditate. However, as I read this poem, I was struck by how often we take our world for granted as if it were going to be always that way.

The poem, “Otherwise” by Jane Kenyon who was the Poet Laureate of New Hampshire and the author of several books on poetry is a good example of her work which is sometimes very direct but sparse. She herself died at a rather young age of Leukemia, but not before finishing several books that give us insight into the subtle nuances of human existence. It’s even been said that a theme of faith is threaded throughout her poetry.

The following is her poem that points out the contrast of our lives:

“Otherwise”

by Jane Kenyon

I got out of bed

on two strong legs.

It might have been

otherwise.

I ate

cereal, sweet

milk, ripe, flawless

peach. It might

have been otherwise.

I took the dog uphill

to the birch wood.

All morning I did

the work I love.

At noon I lay down

with my mate. It might

have been otherwise.

We ate dinner together

at a table with silver

candlesticks. It might

have been otherwise.

I slept in a bed

in a room with paintings

on the walls, and

planned another day

just like this day.

But one day, I know,

it will be otherwise.

I like “Otherwise” because it calls us into realizations about life that we take for granted thinking as if things will be the same forever.

In another way as you look back on your life, you realize that things have changed from a wall that was built in Berlin to it’s destruction that came years later. You realize that your children have grown up or you see that you have grown older. It is a nagging contrast of the word, “Otherwise” that pushes us to appreciate the moments we have lived into meaning and the many people that decorate our life with love and friendship. The appreciation grows even more intense if you are an alert person who realizes that life is fragile and things change.

“Otherwise” forces us to take a deep look at ourselves and realize that things could have turned out differently and even far worse than we ever thought.

Regret is something that we all live with but also a feeling that we want to minimize as much as we can. It’s been said that “Hell is truth seen too late.” It is the world of “If only” that haunts us. If only I had done the right thing. If only I was there for them. If only I was a better father. It’s another way of saying that things have been “Otherwise” in our life’s journey. It’s the reality of the “Otherwise” that makes a person wake up and see that they have really messed up or missed a prime opportunity to be a better person or to help another person.

“Otherwise” is another way of saying, but for the grace of God, go I.” Christians happen to believe that grace can make a difference in our lives. That difference allows us to look at life with a thankful heart and a willingness to give back because we have been so blessed and fortunate.

Christian faith is always pointing us to gratefulness and generosity. It is always asking us to look at our mortality and the hour glass that never stops running. The faith is about gratefulness and thanksgiving because life might have turned out “Otherwise.”

As we look to Jesus, we as Christians lift up and appreciate his life, death and resurrection because it might have been “Otherwise.”

--MEH

"In Love With Death"

Reflections on 9/11 – Tens years later

Perhaps you were like me over the past week listening to all of the reflections, memories, thoughts, projections, political implications and feelings people expressed about the planes that hit the World Trade Center, the Pentagon and an open field in Pennsylvania. I was especially moved by an article written by Jim Dwyer entitled, “In Love with Death.” He mentioned in this article that as the years went by, it was like climbing a ladder each year and viewing Ground Zero in a different way. Step by step from the rubble, you would rise to see new revelations from the events of that day.

He had one example that touched me and struck a cord in my heart. It was about a woman, Anne Mulderry, from upstate New York.

He wrote this:

"That morning, Anne Mulderry sat in the backyard of her home near Albany to wait for news about two of her eight children who worked in Lower Manhattan. Before

long, she heard herself howling to the heavens.

Her son, Stephen – scrappy college basketball player, family peacemaker – was, when

last heard from, in a conference room on the 88th floor of the south tower with a dozen other people, all of them sharing a single phone to make their essential calls.

Much later, struggling to find consolation, Anne Mulderry saw that the choices she faced also confronted the larger world. “How to resist falling in love with death was the question,” she said. “Depression and despair is one way of falling in love with death. Violence and aggression is another way.”

As I read this, I was confused at first by her statement that you could fall in love with death. But on further consideration, that’s always the seduction. The world is always trying to entice us with activities that bring us to death. Things can be so destructive whether it’s drugs and alcohol, violence and other shows on television of bad behavior or just succumbing to a despairing attitude of defeat. In so many small and subtle ways, our faith and our hope is nickeled and dimed away.

Mulderry becomes aware that the ache in her heart over the loss of her son could push her to embracing a hopeless and despairing attitude about life. But the lesson she shares is the same lesson that St. Paul tries to tell all of us. Death and hate and evil are not to have the last word. He even says, “Death where’s thy sting and grave where’s thy victory.” (1 Corinthians 15:55)

In the end, the Christian proposal for the whole world is that love is going to defeat hate and life will overcome death. This is the message for those of us who live on this side of the resurrection.

"The accessible God"

I was recently reading excerpts from Jane Fonda’s new book, “The Private Life of a Public Woman.”I also watched with interest, an interview she gave on Charlie Rose.She is an amazing person no matter what you think of her politics.Indecently, she claims over and over again, to be sorry and apologizes for ever bringing shame to herself and all of America as she sat on military equipment in Hanoi.Without a doubt, it was a major blunder.But that is not what interests me about her.It’s not her movies either, but it is her reflection upon her husbands and especially her father, Henry Fonda.I really liked Henry Fonda in so many movies.Of course my favorite is “The Grapes of Wrath.”But, actors are actors and some of us who have never been on the Silver Screen; continue to act like we care about other people.We also act as if we were Christians.Unfortunately, not much comes from the heart.

Interestingly enough, Jane Fonda claimed she married three men and all of them resembled in one way or another her father.Far from the characters that her father has played which were often sensitive heroes, Henry Fonda was a perfectionist and was very remote from his children, let alone his wives – one of which was Jane’s mother who committed suicide.

Jane Fonda spoke of always trying to win her father’s approval, affection and appreciation.She spoke in a recent interview, “my dad shadows me and I wonder if he approves of what I am doing now?”I have a feeling this is the case with many children as they seek approval from their parents.

Henry Fonda was not accessible as a father and probably not as a person.He looked accessible and played people on the screen that were accessible to others.In the end, he was remote and inaccessible.The more I thought about this, the more I think that people’s vision of God is really a vision of Greek mythology where the God Zeus lives in the clouds far away from human existence.All of this is just a misreading of the Christian faith and couldn’t be farther from the truth that radiates through the pages of the New Testament.

“What if God was One of Us?” as that popular song goes written by Eric Bazillian and sung by Alanis Morissette.

When we talk of incarnation, we are speaking of a God who is very accessible in Jesus Christ.The Christian proposal for the whole world is that God is very near and is embodied in the human race in the name of Jesus, our Lord.In his life, Jesus always made himself accessible to hungry people on a hillside, to widows who cried for help, to the sick and informed and to his disciples in a storm on the sea.So accessible that he was captured, put on the cross and dies for us!

The question is, “How accessible are we to his ministry?” Or do we simply remain remote and inaccessible to his call to follow me.

"Forever Young"

Today we live in a very youth oriented culture with so much advertising from Botox treatments to shampoos that make you look and feel younger. For a fact we know that people are living longer and that becomes an issue for healthcare, Social Security and all kinds of expenses. But most of us don’t feel as old as we probably are. In fact, the new saying is 60 is the new 40.

All of this is very interesting except that as a sports fan, it’s hard to watch your sports heroes in decline. Swimmer - Michael Phelps who took home 16 medals at the last 2 Summer Olympics said to reporters in a recent article that I read, “I feel like an old man coming out of the pool sometimes.” Tiger Woods at the age of 35 suffering from numerous injuries and a disastrous personal life seems to be showing signs not only of wear and tear, but of aging. He’s not the only one to slow down or become a victim of the aging process. That’s been the case with lots of people, it seems like we don’t understand that after the age of 25, we are physically in decline.

In an article entitled “For Derek Jeter, On His 37th Birthday: Forever young, except on the playing field”, his athletic performance is being analyzed. He has recently broken the record of 3000 base hits, but has been injury prone and is beginning to miss a number of games. In tracking his performance from his rookie year of 1996 through his most recent full season, 2010 - looking at stolen bases, slugging percentage, defensive range, etc. - you can notice a decline. The swing of the bat is not as fast, getting to the ball takes a few seconds longer and striking out becomes more frequent. Derek is 37, still looks good but you can notice the receding hairline, the wrinkles around his eyes and the fact that he is not quite what he used to be.

Then again, neither are we because in this mystery called “life”, we are all given a number of days and as we progress, we all move into an aging process that will bring us in the end to death. It’s the same for Derek Jeter, except he just signed a 51 Million Dollar contract, which makes him a little different than most of us, but aging is the great equalizer and so is death.

I supposed what I am getting at here is mortality. Sometimes youth is wasted on the young and we throw away our days as if they were endless. However, for all of us at some point, we wake up with the realization that time is flying by. “Has it been that long since I graduated from high school/college or gotten married?” “Can my kids be that old?”

I call this a wake up call that rouses our thoughts and our lives into the realization that we have to make the most of the time God has given us. It’s the realization that moments are precious, people are important and we shouldn’t get caught up in the small stuff that prevents us from becoming the people we need to be and reaching out to the people that we care about.

Bob Dylan has that great song entitled “Forever Young”, but forever young is an attitude. It’s an attitude of maintaining enthusiasm, interest and a lifelong desire to continue learning. I’ve presided over a lot of funerals. Some people are able to put 95 years of learning into 50 years of life, while others don’t seem to accomplish much at all. Most of the time they are stuck or paralyzed in the past and never seem to want to face or embrace the future. It’s really sad when people who are seniors drop out of things with the thoughts that “I’ve given enough, it’s time for someone else to take over.” It’s a negative mentality that makes you old. You see, we are all getting old whether you like it or not, but you don’t have to have an old mentality. In fact, you can be forever young if you embrace the attitude that life is a gift with opportunities and journeys yet to take. I’m reminded of Psalm 90 (one of my favorites) that talks about the shortness of life and likens it like grass that grows up in the morning and withers in the evening. The Psalm tells us that we need to count our days and gain a heart of wisdom and that we need God to “Satisfy us in the morning with steadfast love.....and make us glad as many days.....and years” that we have been given.

For in the end:

God is our dwelling place in all generations.

And before the mountains were brought forth

or ever you have formed the earth and the world

from everlasting to everlasting, you are God

May God keep you forever young.

MEH